There was a certain anticipation in the air before Tuesday's "Dancing with the Stars" results show. For there was to be a dance-off. This would lead to the kiss-off, at least for one star-crossed couple.
That Gavin DeGraw was to be the one kissed goodbye would surely not be a surprise to many. However, the kiss-off that really got the audience in the mood came when Maria Menounos and Derek Hough were invited to reprise their salsa of the night before.
Pictures: "Dancing with the Stars"
They had been criticized for, yes, actually kissing each other during the dance. So, during their reprise, Hough sprinted up to the judges' podium and attempted to plant his puckerdom upon Carrie Ann Inaba instead. He seemed to connect with her left ear. Menounos, not to be outdone, then pranced up to Bruno Tonioli and managed to connect with both cheeks. And so family television's impeccable reputation was restored until the next episode of "The Simpsons."
Meanwhile we had to prepare ourselves for which two couples would, indeed, be dancing off for their sanity. I mean, their safety.The intimate footage always shown during this show displayed just how much time the professionals spend encouraging the stars. They tell them before the dance that they're proud of them. They tell them during the dance that they've got it. They tell them after the dance that they're still proud of them. This, despite errors, mistimings and flying sweat that strikes them occasionally in the eyeballs.
Very quickly Maria Menounos, Melissa Gilbert and Gladys Knight were all told they wouldn't be part of the Dance Duel.
"What we're trying to safeguard is the integrity of the dancing," said Len Goodman of the Dance Duel. He was referring to excellent dancers such as Sabrina Bryan and Kristin Cavallari, who had been sent packing far too soon by viewers who were far too myopic.
Gavin DeGraw explained, in a brief interlude, that he was already experiencing "an Alcatraz moment."
Talking of feeling marooned, Train and Selena Gomez performed for the captivated masses - although Train appeared to be doing slightly more singing that Gomez.
Singing very cheerily within minutes were Katherine Jenkins, William Levy and Donald Driver who were all told they would be back for Motown Week. Wait, there's a Motown Week for "Dancing with the Stars"? But, of course. Surely you remember the Four Tops doing the quickstep.
"Be like a tiger," Kym Johnson had whispered to Jaleel White before their dance. Surely the viewers can't have been so inhuman as to put a tiger into the Dance Duel.
"Can I tell you a secret," Karina Smirnoff whispered to DeGraw before their attempt at dancing unison. Sure, DeGraw responded. "I farted." Some would say that was the most fragrant part of their contribution as DeGraw, who began the samba in a canoe, had been adrift all night. Yes, the paddleless canoeist was told he would not be singing for his supper. He'd be dancing for his dinner.